


Love Forty Down

by winterisakiller (sparkinside)



Series: Last Minutes &  Lost Evenings [5]
Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 19:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16771483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkinside/pseuds/winterisakiller
Summary: The first step is always the hardest





	Love Forty Down

**Author's Note:**

> This piece was started with a different direction in mind, but Rosemary seemed to have other ideas and I was dragged along for the ride. This is the result. Instead of a glance backwards, here we have a taste of the future. Enjoy

_‘I’m love-forty down_  
_As the day slips away from me_  
_I have to say that, honestly,_  
_I still haven’t found_

_The person who can take the strain  
Of deuce, advantage, back again._

_So I’ll do this on my own;  
There’s no one waiting when I’m done’_

Love Forty Down – Frank Turner

“I don’t know if this is such a good idea, Jules.” Rosemary Mathews chewed her bottom lip, her eyes locking on the woman standing beside her. She studied her reflection in the mirror. She looked well…beautiful, and it had been far too long since she’d felt that way. Her dark hair piled effortlessly on top of her head; a style that had taken nearly 45 minutes to successfully obtain mind you. The green dress hugged her generous curves in all the right ways and fell neatly past her knees. The make-up Jules had helped her apply was tasteful but sultry. She felt like a completely new woman. And it honestly made her more than slightly uneasy.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to put herself out there. She needed to, after all it had been nearly six months since… _that_. It had been more than enough time. And Bryan was a wonderful man, truly. He taught history at University College London and was deeply passionate about learning. He was intelligent and well read. He was kind and patient and he made her laugh. This was a good thing. But why did she feel so fucking uneasy?

Jules rolled her green eyes, shoving Rosemary lightly. “This is a good thing,” she insisted. “Bryan is a great guy and you get along famously. Don’t over think this.” She gently rubbed Rosemary’s shoulder. “Please, honey, you need this.”

Rosemary offered a tentative smile, “I know. I know. It’s just…I’m not sure. I like Bryan. Really I do. I just can’t stop think maybe I’m just not ready. But I want to be ready. I just… What’s wrong with me?” She felt completely and utterly ridiculous and, honestly, more than a little foolish. It was just dinner, and dinner with a good man at that. She liked him, more than she expected to. But still…

“Nothing, sweetie,” Jules assured, “Nothing is wrong with you…” She paused, a devious smile spread across her features, “Well not too much anyway, you’ve always been a tad…neurotic…” She laughed heartily as Rosemary shoved her.

“Funny.”

“Yes, I like to think I am.” Jules continued to grin. “But in all seriousness, I get it. Really, I do. But this is a good thing. You need to put yourself back out there. After everything with him,” she spoke that word with more than a tinge of bitterness, “you should let someone show you how amazing you really are.”

Rosemary appreciated her friend’s support and tenacity, she really did, but sometimes Jules was a bit…much. She pushed hard and fast, often times running ram-shod over what Rosemary wanted. And it had only gotten worse since the rumors had begun to creep in. 

Nothing solid, nothing concrete, just whispers about him and a costar. How close they seemed, how they seemed to be spotted together on an almost regular basis outside of shooting; cafes, bookshops, museums, the park. The pictures had been the worst; nothing obscene or even remotely damning, but there had been a closeness between the two that was hard to miss. An intimacy. And it had hurt far more that Rosemary had been able to fully process. Shortly after Jules had become ferocious in her support and encouragement of Rosemary dating again or at least in pushing her to consider the possibility of it. After all, she had pointed out, he certainly was. 

Rosemary rubbed the bridge of her nose, feeling uneasy and uncertain and hating herself for it. She sighed. She needed to stop second guessing herself. “I’m being silly.”

Jules laughed and gave her a warm smile, “Yeah, just a bit. But I get it. And you do look wonderful. Just go out, have a good time.”

Rosemary nodded, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. This was a good thing and she was excited. And scared, more scared than she wanted to admit even to herself. But she needed to do this for her sake. She needed to push herself lest the fear of never doing so would overwhelm her. She could do this. She would do this.

When the knock sounded on her door half an hour later, Rosemary could feel her unease bubbling away frantically in her stomach. _Get a fucking grip, Mathews,_ she swore at herself as she pulled open the door. 

Bryan stood, smiling, a bouquet of wildflowers in his hand. He was a tall man, warm honeyed eyes and carelessly rustled light brown hair. He was handsome in an unassuming way; none of the striking features that were so classically considered such. His nose was slightly crooked, broken at least once from football in his youth. His smile was wide, warm, and genuine. His eyes bright and inviting. 

“You look stunning,” he whispered as he handed her the flowers, his fingers brushing gently against hers. 

She blushed, returning his warm smile. “Thank you. You clean up rather nice yourself.” 

They both stared at each other awkwardly for several moments before he spoke, offering Rosemary his arm. “Shall we?” She nodded, taking his proffered hand and locking the door behind her.

The restaurant was nice. Nothing too fancy, but certainly on the higher end of reasonably priced. The walls were a bright white with serene landscapes placed at tasteful intervals. The menu was vast, but not ridiculously so. And the man sitting across from her was…wonderful. He was attentive and polite. He held the door for her and pulled out her chair. He was warm but she could still sense the undercurrent of nervousness in him, which she found overwhelmingly comforting. It was nice knowing she wasn’t the only one. 

She found herself laughing and smiling genuinely as the evening progressed. And slowly she could feel the guard she had kept wrapped so tightly about her as of late slip. They drank wine, shared bites of their respective meals and they talked. They talked about London, about books, about history, about movies, and about themselves. 

It was surprisingly easy, talking to him; far easier than she had thought it would be. It wasn’t the same as…She didn’t let herself finish the thought. But it was nice, regardless. Simple. Easy. 

She had made sure he had known going in that she had recently gotten out of a relationship, though she had been tight lipped about any of the details; made sure he was aware that she wasn’t looking for anything, not really, and certainly not yet. He was a good person and she didn’t want him to expect anything more than face value from her. 

He’d been understanding; never pushed her for more. They had spent the first few weeks just talking and it had been nice, though she had to force herself from comparing what was happening now from what _they_ had been; from the conversations to the cautiously formed friendship. There were such similarities, yes, but in the end they were two very different men. 

Tom, even now thinking the name hurt, had been so guarded, so closed off despite the openness he seemed to project. There was sincerity there, she knew that, had never doubted it, but there had always been a part of him that he kept closely guarded, a part of him he never let her see. Bryan, in contrast, was an open book. She knew without question that when he spoke, what he said, it was in complete, honest sincerity. So when Bryan had asked her to dinner she’d felt herself say ‘yes’ before she’d consciously thought about what that answer would mean. 

She found herself smiling at him over her wine glass, happy to be exactly where she was. This man, this evening, was wonderful. It was something she had desperately needed. 

“Thank you, Bryan. This has been…I…I’m very glad I said yes.” She tripped over her words, feeling slightly self-conscious in her confession. It was silly, honestly. But she wanted to make sure he knew; that he understood. 

“I am too.”

The kiss was simple, gentle. It didn’t make her toes curl or her breath come short; she hadn’t thought that it would. But it was amazing all the same; the comfort and the surety that she felt with him. He was warm and safe; for now that was enough. 

He left her at her door with a promise to call her the next day. 

And he had. Rosemary was pleased to discover that the conversation flowed just as easy as it had the night before. There had been no awkwardness, no second guessing. They talked for hours. And they kept on talking. As the days passed they found themselves meeting for lunches, going out to dinners, lazing around in the park. Everything was blessedly simple. 

Jules had been ecstatic and had no bones about voicing her support. She pressed for details of their dates, offered advice and encouragement. She had even begun to push Rosemary into letting her pick up shifts which then allowed her to spend more time with Bryan in between his lectures, office hours, and faculty meetings. Slowly they began to spend more and more time together. And it was wonderful. 

Rosemary had been overjoyed when Bryan had introduced her to colleagues and friends as his girlfriend. She knew it was silly, being excited over such a frivolous title. But it proved that she had a place in his life and he in hers. She refused to let herself think about just why that mattered so much to her. 

The next few months were nothing short of wonderful. She felt cared for and respected. They seemed to click in a way she hadn’t been sure she would ever feel again. It wasn’t quite the same, but it was enough.

Friday evenings had slowly become a staple date night. They went to a movie or, if something caught their attention, a play and then dinner at the pub halfway between their respective homes. It was nice, predicable, and comforting, the routine she found herself in. 

And this particular Friday was shaping up to be the same. They’d seen a film, one of the new romantic comedies. It had been lighthearted and enjoyable. And they chatted animatedly about it on the walk to the pub. 

The pub was crowded, which hadn’t come as much of a surprise. It was a Friday night after all. But they had found a table easily enough. Bryan kissed her cheek as he headed to the bar to place their respective orders. 

Rosemary smiled as she hummed along with the music filtering through the noise of the pub. It was song she recognized but couldn’t name. As she sat she watched the people milling about her. She had always loved to people watch, it was amazing the things people did when they didn’t realize someone was watching. 

“Here you go, my dear.” She turned back to watch Bryan settle the pint of cinder in front of her. She nodded her thanks and took a sip. 

He settled into the seat across from her and they began to chat about their respective days. His lectures had gone well over all, only one or two students nodding off in the back row. None of his meetings had run over and the three students who had shown for his office hours had been easily aided with the issues they’d brought him. Her shift at the shop had gone well. All of her orders had arrived on time and complete. _Stories Untold_ was making a steady profit and she’d been able to take on another part-timer, a university student who seemed to get on well with everyone.

They had passed many evenings like this; whether in a pub or either of their respective homes. It was comforting and comfortable. He fit neatly into her life and she in his. Their mains arrived, breaking the conversation momentarily. They soon settled themselves once more, eating and talking. 

The weather had taken a turn while they had eaten and Rosemary found herself shivering as she stepped out onto the pavements. She realized with a start that she’d left her cardigan on the back of her chair. She vocalized such and turned quickly back towards the doors. Bryan placed a hand on her arm, stopping her. 

“I’ll grab it.” He then wordlessly pulled off the jacket he’d been wearing and settled it securely on her shoulders. She smiled up at him, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. He smiled in return and ducked back into the pub. 

Rosemary paced idly back and forth near the pub’s entrance. She hadn’t paid any attention to her surroundings and was therefore surprised when she found herself colliding with a solid, warm object. Startled, she threw her arms up and onto the object, to catch her balance. The object was in fact a person, she belatedly realized. 

“I’m so sorry,” she blurted, hoping she hadn’t provoked some stranger’s ire. 

“Rosie?”

She felt her breath freeze in her throat. _No. Please god no_. She knew that voice. Knew it all too well. _Of all the fucking people in this city!_

“Tom.” She allowed her gaze to travel to his face. He looked…Good. Really fucking good. His hair was a touch longer and his beard had been trimmed recently. His eyes were the same though. Blue-green and piercing. 

They stood standing awkwardly. She didn’t know what to say. How the fuck were you supposed to act when you ran smack into your…former lover? Fling? Friend with benefits? Fuck buddy? God, she still didn’t know what they had been. 

He broke first, “You look beautiful.”

She blinked at him. “Thanks,” she forced herself to reply. “You look well.”

“Found it!” Bryan’s triumphant voice sliced through the silence that had fallen and she jumped back from Tom involuntarily. She caught the flutter of…something in Tom’s eyes. But it was gone faster than she could place it. 

She forced herself to smile at her boyfriend as she slid off his jacket and traded it for her chunky black knit jumper. She could feel Tom’s eyes on her. This wasn’t happening. _Please let this not be happening_. 

Steeling herself, Rosemary turned back to Tom. “Sorry again.”

Tom swallowed audibly and shot her a beatific smile. “Think nothing of it.”

She nodded at him and linked her arm solidly in Bryan’s. “We won’t keep you. Have a nice night.”

Tom nodded wordlessly and made his way into the pub. She felt Bryan’s eyes on her. 

“What just happened?”

Rosemary forced herself to keep her voice calm and unaffected. “I wasn’t looking where I was going and nearly knocked him over. Think I scared both of us with that one.” 

Bryan did not look entirely convinced but didn’t press her further. He took a deep breath and kissed her lightly on the head. “Home?”

She nodded. Home sounded like a great idea. She needed to regain her balance. Seeing Tom. Touching him. It had thrown her. She had always known that running into him was a possibility. Living in the same city made such things simply a matter of time. She needed time to pick apart the ache in her chest and the thoughts that raced in her mind. She had hoped that moving on would have made such an encounter easier. She was with someone else now and so was he. It was always going to be awkward but it should have been easier. Shouldn’t it?

Rosemary honestly didn’t know.


End file.
